It's ramblin time!
I’ve been experiencing an inordinate amount of déjà vu lately. Either my life has gotten to be so routine that even the most mundane of actions takes on more meaning because I’ve just been doing them over and over again and so there’s an automatic mind body moment of recognition. Or, the universe really does collapse and expand over and over again and events take place on an endless loop through destruction and renewal in exactly the same way through infinity (which would really suck). And, these moments of déjà vu have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I need a vacation badly and should have better things to do with my time than contemplate unproven astrophysics theories derived from a vague memory of a Kevin Spacey movie which I never really liked in the first place…and all because I was peeling a mandarin in front of my computer while reading something I don’t normally read. My god, what does it all mean???
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Vacation time yo!
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The Kimchi Mamas and Carol have written a lot about names lately and I thought I’d add to the trend since I’ve had a few thoughts about the subject recently as well. Definitely a coinky dink in that “great minds” kinda way I think…
I’ve always liked the idea of a name having a sort of power; over you, over others. I’ve liked the idea of familiar names evoking cognitive and emotional responses. I like that when I hear or read a name of someone I care about, I can feel a twinge of warmth and happiness and interest. I’m fascinated with the thought that when an authoritative figure in my life is mentioned that I feel a bit of fear or discomfort. It’s an interesting psychological reaction that if I weren’t so lazy right now, I’d look it up and find out everything there was to know about it. And lastly, I’m interested in the sentimental nature of names and about how much of your identity and self image are contained in what you are called by others.
The reason for my interest is simple. I’ve had a few names. I’ve been Le (sorrow), Hong Lien (pink lotus), Lien (oft mispronounced general first name which rhymes with alien and “hey, I got something like that on my house and car!”), Miss N. and Ms./Mrs. M. as well as con (child), chau (neice), mommy, di (pronounced yee, auntie), chi Lien (older sister Lien), em Lien (younger sister Lien). These names represent different times and different states of my life and being. Whichever name someone calls me, I have a small sense of where I stand with them and what they know of me.
Which leads me to the fact that people have been calling me “Lee-in” or “Lee-en” or “Lee-an” lately. (And this is the part where you wonder, if you’re guilty of such, if you’ve been pronouncing my name correctly this whole time. =) When I introduce myself to English speakers, I say something that sound suspiciously like, “Hi, my name is Lynn.” This is not because I’ve chosen an Anglo name for myself, but rather because when I first came to the United States, our sponsors saw my name and thought “Lynn” would probably be a great way to say it.
If you recall, I first came to the US when I was 4 and I wasn’t actually named Hong Lien until I was well…4…AND…my name wasn’t screwed up and Lien wasn’t actually my name until I was well…4. “Lynn” at first was probably just as good to me as “Lien” so I didn’t mind it. In fact, for years and years, I would get very offended if an English speaker pronounced “Lien” as anything other than “Lynn”. However, lately, I’ve mellowed a bit. In one part because SO many people are calling me variations of Lee-something, most likely due to the fact that my work allows me to IM and meet with people to discuss issues via chats and email. Therefore, they read my name and make their own judgments on how it sounds and it makes sense to them before they ever speak to me or meet me (which is actually rare these days). Some folks, are usually so used to thinking to themselves “Lee-in”, “Lee-en”, or “Lee-an” that they keep calling me that even after I’ve introduced myself as “Lynn”.
While at first I was offended that they’ve disregarded my own preference as to how my name pronounced, I’ve come to accept these varying pronunciations. After all, “Lynn” is not the true pronunciation of Lien either and besides it’s actually really interesting to me in terms of the changes that internet business communications have wrought on something as simple or complicated as how to pronounce and address someone’s name…of course, my experience with my name has allowed me some perspective when I was naming my kids.
Like Carol, I deliberately named my kids. In my case, they had to be names that were easy familiar to English speakers yet still had meaning to both J and I and both kids have very special Vietnamese middle names which have great personal and literal meanings in Vietnamese AND sound great in English as well.
When I was in junior high, my parents moved our family to Oakland where we joined a part of the Vietnamese community and helped build a Vietnamese Buddhist temple. The temple had two brothers who were monks. The older brother was kind and happy go lucky, the younger brother was more stern and a bit like my dad, and in time, he felt a bit like my dad as well. Our family lived for a short time on the same block as the temple and we went to the services each week. When I was in high school, we moved out of the neighborhood, but I was dropped off at school and spent the afternoons at the temple where I did my homework. Weekends were spent there learning Buddhism and Vietnamese from the monks. And so, when we were allowed to do the rites and make the vows to become Buddhists, we were becoming disciples of monks who had become like family to us. When I was given my Buddhist name, it was given to me by a man who had become like my other father.
The year before my Little Goose was born, my other father died. It was cancer. I never told him how much he meant to me. I never told him that I’m a better person for having his guidance in my life. My darling baby girl was given the Buddhist name that he had given me for her Vietnamese name. I remember what he told me the name meant since it wasn’t a regularly used word (at least amongst the Vietnamese American community). I remember he pointed at a beautiful yellow Chrysanthemum. He said, “It’s a flower, like that one, only more beautiful.”
The name means epiphyllum, types of cactus flower, and if you look them up, they really are beautiful. In Vietnam, they have special meaning as many families have them, although they don't bloom often or for very long. When they do, it is a family event and many Vietnamese poems are written about these flowers and their fragrance. It was only natural, that I would give this name to my daughter and every time I say her full name, I think of him.
Oh and did I mention it's easy for English speakers to say?
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For Sweet Pea, his middle name has less of a story, but just as much meaning. His middle name means, fortune, gift, or talent. My mom told me in 2004 during the Lunar New Year that the horoscope books said two things about me; that I would gain “fortune, gift, or talent” that year and that it was a great year for me to become pregnant. And so when the Sweet Pea was born, I did.
P.S. Lien is really written Liên and is pronounced like Leeing, but the g sound is very soft and the name is said quickly as if it were one syllable in a flat tone. You see why I stick with “Lynn”?
P.P.S. For all my efforts to give the kids easy to pronounce names, I guess their nicknames are too difficult sometimes. The Sweet Pea mispronounces his sister’s nickname. (Since I’ve already revealed it in the video I posted a few weeks ago, I guess it’s ok to have it here.) Instead of Evie (EE-VEE), he calls her Ebbie (Eh-bee). :sigh:
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In other news...
I bought a plant today for my new office. It's REALLY cute. I've decided to name it Ed. I don't know, it just strikes me as an Ed. I have absolutely no idea what kind of plant Ed is, but he's definitely an indoor thing. He's definitely tropical with fronds...I guess you could call them fronds with seven or eight elongated eye shaped leaves on each. When I saw him, he was sitting in a mini watering can waiting for me to buy him and 'lo, I bought both he and the watering can because they looked great together. I just want to hug my little Ed. So cute. I'll probably post a picture at some point.
No taking bets on how long Ed will last. Yes, J, I AM a dork sometimes, and no, you don't have to tell everyone about the time I hugged the mini pineapple in the grocery store.
