Crazy Parents and the Teachers Who Loathe Them
My cousin Hongie (previously referred to as H02, I think) is a fifth grade teacher at a public elementary school that serves students from primarily upper middle class families. She is fully credentialed and is fully entrenched in her third year of teaching at this school. She received her bachelor's from UC Berkeley, a masters in education at UC Davis and hopes to pursue a PhD program studying more of the same at some point in the next few years. Her students seem to like her and she does her job well and thoroughly. In other words, she's a pretty smart gal, I love her to bits, and am pretty proud of her. So needless to say, when someone irks one of my peeps it gets me a little irked too. That and Hongie would like to query the internet on this situation and to confirm whether or not she was right.
Apparently, Hongie had recently closed the grading on this first trimester for her students and one particular child got a D+ on the last multiple choice test that was given. This D+ caused the child's grade in one subject to plummet from an A to a solid B+ at 89%. The child happens to belong to a woman who volunteers in Hongie's classroom quite a bit. The poor child supposedly came home crying when they found out they had gotten a D+ which upset their mother who called Hongie to complain and yell at her. The mother, per Hongie, said that Hongie should round up the B+ to an A because:
1) Apparently her child had always gotten straight A's before
2) The D+ upset them and "lowered [their] self-esteem"
3) If Hongie had only closed her grading for the trimester earlier to a period BEFORE the test, they would have gotten an A.
This parent was SO upset with my cousin that she hung up on her after yelling at her which sort of upset Hongie who called and asked me if she did the right thing. My answer? Hellz yeah! If my kid got a D+ on a MULTIPLE CHOICE test where there was only one answer and they had plenty of time to study and do well, I would be upset with my kid NOT their teacher. In fact, Evie on occasion has brought home tests that were less than perfect which prompted us to encourage her to study more, pay attention more, and try harder. We did NOT ever blame the issue on her teacher.
Now, if there were some indication that her teacher was treating her unfairly from the other students then perhaps I would find out why but the odds of a teacher prejudicially grading my child on things that have clear and obvious answers is so completely out of the realm of possibility that I don't think I'd ever really consider it. The point is teaching a classroom is not the parents' job no matter how much time he/she volunteers in it. It is not up to the parent to tell the teacher how to grade their students and parents definitely don't have a right to yell at the teacher anytime their child does poorly. If one's child doesn't appear to be learning or if something appears completely out of whack, sure, contact the teacher and find out how to help the child learn. If it really is the teacher who is incompetant, then by all means talk to the principal to find out if the child can move to another class or perhaps another school.
Perhaps I am old fashioned or just not taking a power position on education matters but I truly believe that when it comes to my child's education in the classroom, I should leave it up to the experts and provide any additional enrichment I feel is necessary outside of the class. Isn't the point of sending our children to school about whether or not they are learning what is being taught rather than whether or not they are getting straight A's? How do you feel about this? Was Hongie right to refuse to give into her student's mother's request to raise their grade? Do you feel that their mom had a right to call Hongie and complain in such a manner? How would you have handled the position if you were the parent or the teacher in this situation? Inquiring minds would like to know.
6 comments:
That parent is flat-out crazy.
YES, Hongie did the right thing! First of all, if she gave in to the parent, that would set a precedent and what would happen the next time the student didn't get a good grade? Not only that, the parent may tell other parents who would think Hongie gives in if you yell at the teacher a little! NO WAY.
Secondly, NO ONE should speak to anyone that way, and certainly not your child's teacher! I agree completely that we need to leave it to the experts. If she thinks she can do better, then she should homeschool.
I think Hongie should tell that woman that if she had approached her differently, MAYBE they could have worked out a solution that was agreeable (extra credit homework? a retake? I don't know.). But that kind of condescending yelling is bullshit and unacceptable, and NO ONE should think that bullying your kid's teacher into a better grade is acceptable behavior. If that's what she is teaching her kid, then that kid is going to have problems.
Finally, my concern would be if that student normally has an A average, why did he get a D+ on a multiple choice test? If I were that kid's parent, I would try and talk to him to see if something was wrong at school; if he just didn't study, or something else was affecting his work. Then I would also talk to the teacher and see if she noticed anything different or had any advice on the sudden grade drop. THEN maybe see if there was something he could do to help his grade, or have my child ask the teacher him/herself. That kid needs to learn how to deal w/his issues with THE SUPPORT of his parents. Not have mommy run to the teacher and start yelling! No wonder that kid feels pressure. Uh... I think his low self-esteem might be stemming from elsewhere.
Sorry for the long comment. My cousin (a teacher as well) told me about a parent like this recently. She stood her ground too but she was so annoyed. Parents can be crazy. Don't let their f'd up behavior get to you Hongie! Keep on rockin'. You teach. They parent. It takes a village blah blah, but it's the truth.
And no one -- NO ONE -- should yell at you like that. That parent needs to learn better manners.
Don't back down Hongie! I am a teacher, I teach at a private high school with loads of uptight, high strung, overly ambitious kids and parents. Hongie did the right thing and it was stupid and immature of the parent to yell at her. I can understand a call or an email wondering what or how the D+ came about, but yelling? Lordy lord knows I've had my share of emails and calls, but unlike Hongie -who can quantify a grade based on a multiple answer test, I teach art -it's much harder to do percentages. She's got the proof, it's on the test. If the parent is that upset can Hongie sit down with the parent along with the principal/dean of students/dean of student academic affairs/whatever other upper management title for a joint meeting to discuss the grade and how it came abou? In our school sometimes if it gets to that level the teacher gets backed up by the assistant head of school. If it gets pretty bad then the assistant head of school actually meets with the parent to discuss what happened without the teacher -both to avoid too many personal sentiments and also so the teacher can concentrate on teaching, not debating. But I know you mentioned that she teaches at a public school so maybe the teachers don't have that same type of support. Hang in there.
PS: For what it's worth, I remember the first time I taught it was a college class and I had to administer an F for a final grade -not on a project but a final semester grade. I worried and talked and debated about it for about 4 hours with a seasoned teacher and I remember his words to me. "Kids these days think they can slide through class with a charmed smile and a free pass with mom and dad backing them up. They don't know how to own up to the consequences. If you don't get the work done right you don't get a good grade, it's as simple as that." Sho 'nuff.
Stand by your decision, Hongie! I've read that this type of behavior is becoming quite commonplace in our world of helicopter parenting. Regardless, the mom's approach was tactless and uncompromising, and she's attempting to undermine the teacher with her own petty, elementary behavior. Some kids need an occasional wake-up call and you shouldn't expect to be able to bribe the teacher with extra volunteer time or snacks or anything else to get out of these life lessons. I can think of a hundred more productive ways that this child could have been approached for her bad score but this mom ruined that potential second chance.
I hate the fact that so many of our skilled teachers out there spend much of their time dealing with the parents and not the students. Students are sent to school to learn and should be rewarded appropriately, based on their performance.
1. Ditto... D+ on a multiple choice test is not exactly negotiable.
2. Calling the teacher to complain about when the grading closed AND to bully her into changing the grade? NOT COOL. And what is she teaching her child with that example?
3. As a child who was getting A's and then near-failed a multiple choice test... and had to hide that test from my parents to avoid a beating... that's no way to grow up, stressing over test results. Turns out, after my dad found the test and gave me quite the beating, I failed the multiple choice test because of a sudden change in eyesight. My right eyesight was severely diminished and that explained why I knew the answers yet circled the wrong letter. That would back up Halfmama's suggestion that the parent should look into why her child did not do well on this test... there could be something going on at school or even something as simple as uncorrected vision.
The parent was way out of line.
Good for Hongie for not changing the grade. Some parents are crazy and not doing their kids any favors by acting this way. Hope things have calmed down, I hope the parent apologized but I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't people like that are way to self involved and need to get a life.
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