Superbusy

I came home today to find a handwritten note by Evie. "Dear Mom I really miss you." I got home from class after 10pm. I miss my Evie too. Unfortunately, this is becoming a typical feeling.

Happiness Is...

Working from home and instant messaging important messages to your coworkers while your toddler lies on your desk across your arms and decorates your face with sticky notes.

Hi everybody! I can't believe it's been 20 days since I've posted. Thanks so much for the encouraging comments on the blogging fatigue. I'm finally getting around to revamping the design of this blog and restarting it. Stay tuned for something less pink!

Nekkid

JT decided today that he liked being naked. I was in class/working all day and so was not a direct witness but J messaged me that our little boy kept taking his clothes off to run around laughing like a maniac. Huh. Whatever makes him happy I guess and as long as he doesn't hop in front of the front window we're ok? **Maybe I should just post short thoughts like this. That's manageable right?**

When to Call It Quits?

I'm thinking of retiring or seriously revamping this blog. Not because of the lack of things to write about. I have plenty of that. Rather, I'm thinking about quitting because I'm looking back on my last several months of posts and realizing that I'm doing none of my subjects justice. I think up a lot of topics while I'm driving to and from class (1.5 hours each way) or when I'm in meetings (hours and hours of my life GONE!) The thoughts are usually quite elegant and well formed; sometimes even profound, but these thoughts invariably end up being truncated into something short and trite that only my most loyal bloggy friends would care to peruse. (Thanks for that loyal bloggy friends, and new ones, hi So Yun and H. in Portland! H, what a small internet world that you know my real life buddy Wayland and I had no idea you even existed till he said his friend H. in Portland reads my blog religiously even though HE didn't know I had a blog and only found out that I did because he had mentioned to you that he was heading over to see his buddy J who happens to be married with two little ones called Evie and JT. Small small world, I never even knew you were a reader until he told me about you. Thanks for reading! Where was I??) Never mind balancing full time work, school, kids and marriage; what about my parents? Siblings? Cousins? Friends?

In the past few months, we've done a number of things I haven't had time to really write about. We've been to our good friends' wedding where J was the officiant (he was sworn in, over the phone for one day only as associate deputy of marriages of Alameda County or something like that) and Evie was a flower girl who had her two boy friends from babyhood fighting over her at the reception. We've hosted a few dinner parties where we had a crab and pho feast. (I only cook when there's a lot to be cooked.) Signed Evie up for hip hop classes (she starts in May) because she loved the JabbaWockeez but didn't think that girls could dance like that till I showed her Kaba Modern. Worried and worried about my poor sweet JT who has zero friends his age and who spends his days playing by himself or with great grandma. Celebrated the start of baseball season by heading to two games with two different sets of friends and because we just haven't seen them in months. Worried and worried about my good friend who only retired a few years ago but found out a little over a year ago that he has a debilitating disease. Realized that all I can do is enjoy our time together and our team (Go A's!) didn't win that day but we still shared resigned sighs and spurious hope of "maybe next time" (BOO Red Sox!) and he could still smile and make my little boy laugh even though he can't speak much anymore. (He doesn't read anymore I don't think, but my blog used to have a black background with white text. I changed my design for this particular friend.)

I have so much to write about but I have a lot to worry about too. Blogging has been bumped down the list of activities that I want to maintain. But then, this blog is my main journal for where I keep some things I want to remember and not only that, there are so so many people whom I've learned to care about in this blogosphere that I'm not sure I really want to completely let this go. How else would we keep in touch? I feel so bad for not commenting or having the chance to catch up on your blogs (you know who you are).

I wish so many of you were nearby so that we could just hang out. Some of you ARE nearby and I've had the opportunity to meet some of you. I'm so thankful for the new friendships that I've made from this little blog. I'm also thankful for this little outlet where I've occasionally felt free enough to let out some very personal matters. SO...what to do? What to do...?

10 Things: Checking In

1. Finished finals last Thursday, yay!

2. I wrote my last final paper in under two hours while working on an server related incident at work, boo!

3. JT keeps asking me, "How do you spell an?" Yeah, I don't get it either. Of course, he is the king of random these days. His favorite knock knock joke is, "Knock knock? (Who's there?) Pumpkin! (Pumpkin who?) Pumpkin in the head!" Huh?

4. Evie and I are on spring break together and so I took a few days off to do very little of anything. Took the kids to a museum and play ground today and had lunch with some of mommy bloggers I love to read. I was so not worthy, but they were awesome.

5. I bought lunch from this place. If you are ever in Oakland, ohmygodyouneedtotryittheyareSOgood.

6. I got my grades, they were both Bs. At least I tried obviously, not hard enough.

7. I need to seriously start thinking about law school since I'll be applying this fall for next fall. I want to stay local. Unfortunately the law schools that are local or relatively local are Hastings aka Univ. of California, Boalt Hall aka Berkeley, Stanford, and Santa Clara University. In other words, really hard to get into. These Bs aren't helping me any.

8. If it weren't for some amazing people and their support, my grades would have been far worse. My parents are in Vietnam, I can't even begin to thank them or speak of how much their support and almost free babysitting mean to me and this whole endeavor, but I do hope that painting their bathroom this weekend and cleaning up the house before they get back will speak a volume or two.

9. I hugged my dad for the first time in probably twenty five years when I dropped off my parents at the airport when they went on their trip. I normally just hug my mom and say, "bye dad be good"...It was...why didn't I ever do it sooner? He seemed surprised, but we had really talked on the way there, as adults about life and his worries and frustrations. I'll have to come back to this somewhere along the way but it felt so good to just give my dad a hug. He's always been one of those stereotypical hands off, laconic, stoic Asian immigrant fathers and so that hug meant SO much. The best part? He hugged me back and I got to yell at him, "quit yelling at mom dad and have fun!"

10. Another person whose support I would have failed without is my dear hubby J. I haven't hugged him today yet, but he gets one almost every day because he so deserves them. He works so hard and then helps me out when he gets home by occupying the kids for me when I have to study or work late. Sometimes he has to bathe them and put the kids to bed by himself, duties I normally do. He's not perfect with his video game and mac and cheese methods, but hey, he was a latchkey kid and a gamer who likes to wing it. Some people might think that these are things any husband and father would do in similar circumstances, but you know, it never hurts to let the people you love know that every little bit of help is appreciated.

Hope everyone is doing well. Aren't you glad it's spring?

Transcripts

Senator Obama's excellent speech on race 2008:
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/03/18/america/18obamaspeech.php

President Bill Clinton's speech on the same subject in 1995:
http://www.afn.org/~dks/race/clinton-e6.html

Both are excellent and ask serious questions about the state of our union in terms of race. Both have very similar messages and portray a nuanced understanding of different sides of the race issue. Both sadden me as they make me think of how Bill was accused of racism in South Carolina and how Obama is accused of playing the race card simply because of his race. Things are better than they were in 1995, there are more minority faces on television and in higher offices for example; probably due much more to the silent work of many more ordinary people than the president. I have hope that whether it is Clinton or Obama, things will only get better.

For more excellent historic social justice speeches (including some from Hillary) check this link:

http://www.sojust.net/speeches.html

Girl Scout Guilt

As seen on PostSecret. One of my secrets? I live in fear that Evie and JT will grow up thinking I sucked as a parent. My other secret? I hope I'm not spoiling them. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't. College funds can double as therapy funds I guess. (We're checking it out at a GS meeting the first week of April.)